A No Brainer Mommy Time-Out

Closing yourself down for a day is an amazing MTO

Closing yourself down for a day is an amazing MTO!

Today was by far one of my best MTOs I have had in a long time. I started my day by having a good meditation and prayer. I woke up my two daughters, fed them and took them to school.

After I dropped them off, I went for a two-mile walk. The weather was perfect – not too hot and not too cold. I came home and had a cup of coffee and did nothing but allow my mind to rest.

It was so nice to sit in silence, without any distractions at all. I felt so relaxed and rested not having to worry about the next thing on my to-do list.

I then called one of my good friends and we talked for an hour or so. She was having a difficult time in her life and she was able to express all that she was feeling. She was so thankful I was there to listen to her and that she was able to get it all out in the open.  I realized when I hung up with her that so many times in my life I get so busy and just assume that all my friends are doing well because I don’t hear from them. I was so glad I was able to give my friend the support and love she needed.

By now it was noon.  Instead of having a good nutritious lunch, I had hot Cheetos, a turkey sandwich, a diet coke and some chocolate. I usually don’t eat like this, but I just felt like being bad and I wanted to enjoy the junk food and not worry about my kids trying to taste my food or take it from me.

I then took a nap for an hour. After I woke up, I decided I was not going to shower until I picked up the girls from school. I paid a few bills and returned some business calls and then it was time to pick them up.

I have to say the whole day felt like a MTO (versus just a couple of hours) because I did as I pleased, when I pleased. As a result, I came to realize that I could choose and control how busy my days are by the mood I am in.

I was also reminded of the positive people and things I want to surround my children and myself with. I refuse to feel overwhelmed and tired all the time because I am constantly going, trying to be super mom and help everyone along the way.  My MTO was awesome because I allowed myself to feed my soul, my mind and my body. I will make an effort to have one of these days at least once a month.

I encourage you to take a “No-Brainer MTO” this week and please, let me know how it goes!

Confessions of a Mommy Time-Out Advocate

Image courtesy of farconville at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of farconville at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I didn’t take my Mommy Time-Out last week.  Coming from someone whose life is being spent advocating other moms to be sure to take regular, weekly MTOs, some would call me a hypocrite.  I’ll just call myself human and leave it at that.

Sometimes life has other plans, and so do the people around you that you depend on to watch your kids so you can take a good MTO.  That’s what happened to me last week.  My husband had a project at work that took more of his time than usual, my mother was out of state, and my friends were all busy planning their children’s birthday parties, fighting colds and fevers, or all of the above.

As for me, quite frankly, I forgot.  The week literally got away from me.  One day I wake up and it’s Monday, and before I know it, it’s the end of the week and I’m writing this article confessing to my MTO miss.  It seemed every second of every day last week was filled with something pressing: deadlines, interviews, Girl Scout meeting, classes for my two youngest…

These aren’t excuses, just a reality all us moms live through.  Sometimes we just can’t make it happen.

However, something amazing happened last week as well.  I wasn’t stressed.  I look back and I can’t think of a single time that I went ballistic on my kids, my husband or anyone else.  I used to, when I didn’t get my regular MTOs, but last week that didn’t happen.  Last week, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say I had my MTO after all.

After some thought, I figured it all out.  It was all my regular MTOs up to that point.  It was like I had built up a reserve of patience, calm and balance every week prior when I did have a Mommy Time-Out.

My plan is to be back on track next week.  My mom is back in town and jonesin’ to see her grandchildren and I intend to take full advantage of that fact!  Everyone wins, because my girls have missed their Oma, she needs her fix, and I need my MTO.

I know that in the future, if I miss an MTO once in a while, I will be okay, as long as I have as many consistent MTOs in between.  It’s empowering to see the Mommy Time-Out concept at work and working.

From personal experience I can tell you that regular MTOs really do work – in so many ways.   So make a commitment to yourself to make sure they happen often and regularly, and see the benefits in your life!

 

Mommy Time-Out Anniversary!

Image courtesy of pakorn at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of pakorn at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Wow! It’s been just over a year since we launched our Mommy Time-Out website and newsletter, not to mention Facebook and Twitter. The year passed so quickly we didn’t even realize it until a friend brought it to our attention last week!

So we wanted to take this opportunity to share with you our journey – the good and the challenging – over the past year.

I have to admit Colleen and I were afraid to put ourselves out there in the beginning (read our first blog article!).  All the usual negative thoughts and paradigms came rushing to the surface because we wanted to do something great.  Yet with all that, we decided to ignore the voices in our heads for one main reason – we really believe in what we are doing.  Let me back up a bit.

The whole idea was born about 5 years ago. We knew that as mothers we were overwhelmed and if we were feeling this way, how many more mothers were experiencing the same feelings of quiet desperation? Our purpose became about getting mothers to take care of themselves first so that they can take care of their families.

By last year, we had invested so much love, late nights, tears, time away from our loved ones and the few pennies that we could spare from our family budget that giving in to our fears was no longer an option.  So we overcame our insecurities quickly and set about bringing Mommy Time-Out to the world.

When I say that this past year we were blessed with our investor, Mony, I do not say this lightly.  It is because of him and his belief in us that has allowed us to get to where we are today.  We also had our good friend and attorney Jay, willing to provide pro bono work when we had no money and an excellent legal team when we had only a few dollars to spare.  Then there was the support from all the mothers in the book, our family, friends and of course Marcus our IT man, who helped us get our social media and website out to the world.

I mentioned our book, which had been in the making for the last five years in one form or another.  It was finally published Mother’s Day of this year.  The support and advice we received from friends like Andre and Nora told us we had the backing of some wonderful people in our lives.

While all this was going on – creating the LLC, launching the website, getting the social media up and going, the book being designed, written and published – Colleen and I had plenty in our personal lives going on that should have made us quit, but really just made us work all the harder.

I was going through a very painful divorce. We had been having marriage problems for the past 6 years and had been separated for a time.  I knew it was time to get out of my dysfunctional marriage, even thought the grieving process was very difficult on not only me but my children as well.

All of last year Colleen was pregnant, and we all know the stress and fatigue that goes with that! In January, the same month my divorce was final, Colleen gave birth to her baby girl.

Yet with all of this we didn’t allow our personal lives to get in the way of our purpose. We had plenty of challenging days where we spurred each other on.  Luckily, on the days that Colleen was having her good days, I was having my bad days and vice versa.

Our books were delivered and went on sale on Mother’s Day. I attended a Women’s Conference in northern California and Colleen I were interviewed by some radio stations. We have since hit the pavement and have our book on consignment in many stores and OB/GYN offices. Earlier this year we were approached by Glimpse Magazine to be contributing writers for the magazine and we are approaching some major organizations and companies in the hopes they will get on board with the Mommy Time-Out Movement – we will let you know how that goes!

I was also fortunate to find my soul mate during all of this.  He has supported me, loved me, and picked me up when I was doubtful. He and his children complete our family unit.  Colleen has increased her family by one and her workload by 10, and has the support of an amazing husband who has supported us through the years as we developed Mommy Time-Out.

Through all of this, our main focus has remained the same: to take care of our families and ourselves all while building Mommy Time-Out.  We love that we have been able to start the Mommy Time-Out Movement and feel extremely blessed for all the obstacles that we have overcome.

Yet we know there is so much more for us to do and learn, and here is where you come in.

We want to – we need to – hear from you!  In the next week or two, you will see a survey from us asking you what we can do to improve our website, our newsletter, Facebook, Twitter, our articles, and so on.  We want to know what you want and need from us.

So take a little time to think about it and know that we are so very grateful for your support, participation and interest in Mommy Time-Out this past year and hope to continue as long as there is an interest and need for us!

Back To School Mommy Time-Outs!

Image courtesy of digitalart at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of digitalart at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The new school year is here!  In the next couple of weeks (depending on where you live) some if not all of our children will be returning to school!

Whether all or just one of our children are headed to school, it will now be a little bit easier for us to take some regular Mommy Time-Outs.  At the very least, it is one less child to have someone to babysit and entertain.  At the most, more free days to have some time for ourselves!  Hooray!

No doubt we have all spent the last few weeks planning for school – buying school supplies, clothes, learning new schedules and bus routes.  There’s just one more thing we need to do.  Plan our regular Mommy Time-Outs!  We can’t forget ourselves in all of this preparation.

For me, I am asking my mom if she can commit at least 2 days per week to come over and watch my two youngest who are not in school yet.  One day I will spend running errands, making calls, working on my business, and the other?  You guessed it!  Mommy Time-Out!

We should emphasize, too, that consistency is key.  Everyone is on a regular schedule, so why shouldn’t our Mommy Time-Outs?  The more MTOs we have, especially regular weekly ones (at least), the more often our kids will come home from school to a more relaxed mommy who is able to give her undivided and very patient attention!

What are your plans this school year for your regular Mommy Time-Outs?  We’d love to hear your ideas!!

Step-Mommy Time-Out

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

I feel that Step Mothers most definitely need a Mommy Time-Out more than ever when they are raising children that are not their own.  My cousin, Lucy, is currently married to Mike, who has two children, ages 15 and 7, from his first wife.  Lucy has two daughters of her own, ages 6 & 8 years old.

For the past 6 months Lucy has had some tough dealings with her husband’s 15 year-old daughter. She has recently found out that the daughter doesn’t like her because she feels Lucy is taking her father away from her.  Not only is the teen feeling neglected by her father, but she is trying to find her own identity and all the challenges that come with being a teenage girl.

Most recently the girl has tried to run away from home twice in one month, though she doesn’t get very far because she is not old enough to support herself and really hasn’t any where to go.

Needless to say, Mike’s blood pressure has gone thru the roof and there has been so much more tension between Lucy and him.

Probably the biggest challenge is that they both have two different styles of parenting and they cannot agree on a common ground, much less see each other’s view.  In the meantime the 15 year old girl is out of control and has been trying to run the household.

Now if all of this doesn’t scream “Take a Mommy Time-Out!” I don’t know what does.  And that is exactly what Lucy has done.  She told me she would leave the situation behind her as she took her Mommy Time-Out, even at times when the teen girl couldn’t be trusted to stay put or behave.  She knew that if she didn’t get her me-time in, her frustration, lack of patience and anger would only make matters worse.  Of course, she took what measures she could to protect all the children involved, having people she trusted to watch over them while she removed herself, but the point is, she made it happen.

Lucy told me that if it wasn’t for her me-time to think things out and clear her head, she would never have been able to go back to Mike with possible solutions and at least more patience.

Finally Mike took control of the situation and altered his discipline technique with the teen girl, which  she has responded well to. The household is now as close to normal as it has been in a long while.

We have to be present for our children and the only way is to take care of our mind, body and soul. Mothers, step or otherwise, should have a consistent MTO at least once a week, preferably twice if possible.

What direct benefits have you seen coming from taking your Mommy Time-Outs?  We would love your feed back!